It's been a while; I have been busy. But for Christ's Sake, I thank the Lord that He has sustained me through this time of great demands and responsibilities. It is all for His glory! It is so easy to say that when you are experiencing times of great joy, but how often do you say it when you are dealing with unpleasant circumstances, when you are tired to your bones, when you are just trying to get through the day?
Our circumstances are not always good, we may not always feel good, but the truth of the matter is that Our Heavenly Father is always good. Even as we suffer, we must be mindful that through our sufferings God is glorified. But He can only be glorified through us if the way we respond to our sufferings brings glory to Him. Let me see if I can break this down....I have been through many trials and tribulations, but I will focus on a couple that are near and dear to my heart. I will focus on the trials that humble me and make me trust in God, the trials that make me stand on His word, because there is nothing else for me to do.....
1. Ulcerative Colitis (UC).
I was diagnosed with UC when I was 17 years old. For those of you who don't know about UC, it is a nasty disease...one that many people silently suffer from. For 8 years I battled with this disease, which I truly believe is the result of stress. I battled this disease while being a single parent, I battled this disease while pressing on to finish college, I battled this disease while trying to find out who I was....I battled this disease while trying to prove to everyone that I was not failure; though I had a child out of wedlock, I would not be a statistic, I would take care of my child, I would graduate with honors, I would get a great job, I would buy a home, I would be self sufficient. Through the grace of God, he sustained me through it all, and I was able to accomplish my goals. But the problem was not my goals, the problem was me trying to prove I was self-sufficient. All of this proving, all of this painting the "everything in my life is perfect picture" and making sure that in spite of my single parent status, I could prove that I was not a failure, caused me to take on this independent spirit. Pride and self-sufficiency. In the mean time, I was still dealing with Ulcerative Colitis. Flare-ups would come and go....but right when I really thought life was great, BOOM! The thorn in my side really made itself known. I was taking 20+ pills a day, seeing my doctor 2-3 times a week, getting blood drawn till my arms were black and blue....all the while still telling everyone "Everything is okay", "No, I don't need any help." See, I knew God was taking care of me, but I did not give Him the credit He deserved. I did not humble myself, nor did I share with those around me His glory. I ended up in the hospital for over 3 weeks, I almost died. I could not comb my hair or take care of my child, but God sent my angels to watch over me and my home. It was while I was in the hospital that I realized that it was okay for me not to be able to do everything, it was okay for me to need help, I could depend on others to be there in my time of need. It was during this time of illness and hospitalization that God brought my Father and I together to begin healing our severely broken relationship. It was during this time of sickness that God showed me that He was my provider, my healer, and deliverer. Now as I read,
Romans 8:28-29 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
AND
2 Cor 12:7-10 To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weaknesses." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
While I was dealing with UC, I knew God, I went to church, I prayed, but I was not giving everything to Him. I was not standing on His word, I wasn't walking daily with God. I wasn't living to please Him; I was living to please others. I am thankful for what God brought me through because now I know for sure that in ALL things God works for my good. Without that nasty disease, would I have come to the point I am at now, glorifying God in all things? I don't know, but I do know that for Christ's sake I suffered, but God's grace was and always is sufficient!
(For info on Ulcerative Colitis visit www.ccfa.org )
