Well of course Rhianna has made this phrase popular...."Shine Bright Like a Diamond" What does that truly mean? Honestly, I don't know what it means in the pop culture world, but I know what it means to me personally....
Those of you who know me, know I really don't listen to the radio, I don't really know the Top 40, but that's okay, because like my God says, there is nothing under the sun that is new.
I am up uncharacteristically early; normally when I can't sleep, I toss and turn until it's time for me to get up, and I wake up exhausted, not much fun. Well this morning, tossing and turning didn't even do it for me, I had to get up. The Lord wanted to speak with me, his timing is definitely not my timing, but his timing is best. Of course there are absolutely no distractions and no interruptions at this hour, every one else is sound asleep. Before I got out of bed (trust me getting up was the last thing I wanted to do) I read the verse of the day (like I always do, shout out to YouVersion) and it read:
Psalm 51:12
Restore to me the joy of Your salvation,
And uphold me by Your generous Spirit.
And like always, I opened up the whole chapter to read the entire context of this Psalm....well, as soon as I got finished, I hopped up out of bed and turned my SWAG on, just kidding, but the Lord did fully awake me. This Psalm is deep....
I have been through a lot lately, and I have been dealing with recovering from an automobile accident and all that follows your car being totaled, raising Jalen, trying to be a 'good' wife, coping with being a Foster parent of a two year old, work, basically I have been coping with life....there have been some hard days in these last few months, there have been days when my faith has been tested to the limit, there have been more days than not that I have cried out to God, "Lord, why is it that things never seem to work out for me?" Praise God , those were fleeting thoughts, that I took captive as soon as I shifted my focus, but nonetheless, it has been a struggle. I have struggled with bonding with our foster child, I have questioned my ability to love like Jesus loves. I have struggled with my thoughts, at times I have felt I had the 'right' to be in a down mood. I have struggled, but through it all God was right there for me. He sustains me, he refreshes me, he gives me hope. In my struggle, I have sinned. And I realize that when I sin, though I could try to justify it (the old me), I realize that I sin only against God.....
I had a really difficult conversation this weekend with Jalen's biological father. Lord knows I have tried to forgive him, but it's not an overnight process. What do you do when the transgressions continue? I will tell you what I did and still do. I forgive as much as I know how, but it is not enough. (See, honestly, though I am smart by the world's standards, I acknowledge that by God's standards my thoughts and knowledge level are supremely sub par. I NEED God so desperately. ) The relationship I had with Jalen's father was not a good one. For one we were really young and definitely not ready to deal with 'grown up' responsibilities, secondly the relationship was not built on truth, trust, or any statutes of God, that relationship was full of sin: fornication, disrespect, immaturity, emotional and verbal abuse, manipulation, dishonor to parents...oh the list could go on, but it all sums up to sinning against God. I truly believed that once I moved on, that whole relationship, all the hurts and pain that were associated would go away, but here it is 10 years later, and I still have to deal with it...that and of course I do have a son (whom I am so grateful to God for) with said individual. Not sure how I really thought I could just sweep it under the rug, like he didn't exist, but we all find our ways to cope with our past and our sins.
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Psalm 51:1 - 6
Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.
For I know my transgressions
and my sin is always before me.
Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you are proved right when you speak
and justified when you judge.
Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
Surely you desire truth in the inner parts;
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God speaks. He is the truth and he desires the truth, before him there is no hiding, there is no mask one can put on to cover up from Him. God speaks, but He speaks in love. Earlier, I talked about how my knowledge is sub par. I don't know everything. And I certainly don't know how to fix everything that goes on now, rather less things that happened years ago, long before I was even trying to walk with God. I don't know how to make things right...seems like a depressing place to be. Realizing all the sins you have committed against God, recognizing that you were born in sin, BUT GOD was not done speaking.....
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Psalm 51:6 - 13
You teach me wisdom in the inmost place.
Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.
Create in me a pure hear, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will turn back to you.
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God speaks. See as I was going through this text, I saw clearly many of the sins that have led me to where I am in life now. "For I know my transgressions and my sin is always before me." At first I struggled with that text. Did this mean my sin was always going to be right in front of my face, especially the "BIG" sins, would I always have to face them? Did this mean I could never put those things behind me? Well, there are natural consequences that I will always deal with and I must be truthful, I am a sinner. BUT GOD teaches me wisdom in my inmost place. What a relief, I don't have to have all the answers, I don't have to know everything, God teaches me. Thank you Lord.
Then I moved to verse 7: "Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow."
I thought about this....the Lord says I will be clean, He says I will be whiter than snow. Even in the midst of my struggle, if I am repentant, if I am truthful, if I realize that when I sin, it is against God and I ask God to cleanse me, He will do it. He cleanses me, He covers me with the blood of Jesus and I am whiter than snow. HALLELUJAH, my soul cries out! I AM WHITER THAN SNOW !!! But wait a minute, have you ever seen snow? I am from the south, some call it the Dirty South. When it snows there, the snow is dirty and then it turns into this nasty black slush, ewww, gross. Lord that is not the kind of snow I want to look like...but God in all His graciousness, has allowed me the opportunity to go skiing in North Carolina and in Denver, CO. When I read this text, it took me back to Denver, CO. It took me back the slopes at Breckenridge Resort. There, the mountain is high, and snow is fine like powder, and it is beautiful. It is so white, it is so pure in its untouched state. The snow there is so white, when the sun shines on it, it glistens. I said, when the SON shines on it, it glistens. It sparkles. It shines bright like a diamond....My God is so good. I am in tears right now. I am whiter than snow. I shine bright like a diamond (think, Bling, bling). I am the twinkle in His eye.
He has restored to me the joy of His salvation. I hear joy and gladness.
You too, shine bright like a diamond, you are the twinkle in His eye. He rejoices over you with singing.
I pray that you will rest in Jesus' finished work. He died so we can be free, so we could have the abundant life. All God wants from us is a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart (Psalm 51:17) There is nothing too hard for God, there is nothing that he will not forgive. He loves us, he wants us as we are and it's so beautiful to know that when we submit unto Him, He restores us, He gives us joy. He gives us hope and a future. What a gracious and Mighty God we serve.
Blessings and Favor Abound.....
Shine Bright Like a Diamond!
In His Love.....Until Next Time.
