I Will Stand

This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it!

...but it's raining, it's a gray kind of day. These days make me want to just lie in bed all day and watch mindless TV, but because I get to work and because I have a family, I don't get to do that....so, I get up and I start my day. I am grateful, but every time I look out the window, this little feeling of dread comes over me, I dread going outside because I don't want to get wet, my hair will be a mess, and it's just 'nasty' outside.  Now, some people love these kind of days, but I can bet that there are many of you who feel very similar to the way I feel.

So I am going upstairs to wake up God beautiful children, Joseph and Jalen, and I kept passing the three huge windows upstairs. All signs from outside told me, it's dark, it's raining, don't you just want to lay back down....and then my friend, the Holy Spirit prompted something inside of me. I had a "God is so awesome" moment.

Why is it that when it rains outside, we always believe it won't rain forever? We all know the story of how it rained and flooded for 40 days, back in days of Noah. But how many of us have built an ark to prepare for the non-stop rain...think about it, even when it rains for a few days in a row, don't you always know that it won't rain forever? But how do you know that? Did your mother tell you that, do you base that conclusion off past periods of rain, do you remember God's promise?  I mean it really does look like it is going to rain all day long, and it has been raining pretty consistently over these past few days, should I be ordering ark supplies from Amazon? That would seem a bit absurd in my opinion because I *know* that this rain is going to pass. And as my favorite orphan said, "The sun will come out tomorrow!" So even though this little feeling of dread comes over me when I see the dark gray days, I don't have to wallow in it because I know the gray days will soon pass. And how I know this is based off a few things, first, God promised me in his word. (Gen. 9)

Gen 9:13-15  "I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. Whenever I bring clouds over the earth, and the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life."

So I don't by materials for an ark because I believe God's word. Secondly, I don't even have the skills to build an ark anyway, but that's another blogpost. I also know this rain will pass because through all my life, a whole whopping 33 years, I have never seen the rain not go away.  I cannot recall one time when I thought it would never stop raining and it didn't. Where am I going with this?

I easily trust God and believe His word without any doubt when it comes to the matter of rainy days in the physical environment. But, why is it that we have such a hard time believing God's word, without any doubt when it comes to rainy seasons in our lives? When you look at your present state of being and take an inventory, where is the rain falling? Where does it seem like there is no end to the rain? Are you struggling with your finances? Are your children acting like a fool, are they driving you crazy? Is your husband getting on your last nerve? Is your health failing? Are you struggling with your weight? Are the people at work making your days more stressful? Is your job leaving you unsatisfied? Are people mistreating you or taking advantage of you? Do you feel stuck?  I would say these things make for a rainy day and for some of us these rainy days have left us drowning in a sea of hopelessness and despair. We sometimes feel like we are never going to win and we give up, we check out, we just 'try to make it.'  Sounds like a rainy, gray day to me and in the natural, hopelessness and just trying to make it is the natural response.  But my God, thank God we don't have to live in the natural, I don't have to respond to the rainy situations in life with a 'natural' response. I can choose to walk according to the Spirit. I can choose to have faith. I can choose to stand on God's promises.

God promised that it would not rain so much as to cause a flood to destroy all life. I can take this in the literal to translate like this:

"(Insert your name here) I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and you....Whenever I bring clouds over your life, and the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will remember my covenant between me and you. Never will the waters, the rainy days, become a flood to destroy your life"

Yes I claimed, that promise and I made it mine. I understand and accept that there will be rainy days in my life, there will be rainy seasons, there may be times that I feel like the rain will never stop, and that when it rains it pours, but God promised me those rains would not take me out and He gave me a rainbow as a sign of his covenant. I stand on his covenant. When it rains, it may pour, but the rains will not destroy my life. Stand on God's promises, because who doesn't love to see a rainbow ......

What you see in the natural (RAIN), if you trust God and keep the faith, stand on his promises and he will be faithful to show you his glory (RAINBOW)!

RAIN                                                      RAINBOW

Struggle with Finances	Humility and the fear of the Lord bring wealth and honor and life. (Prov. 22:4)
	My God shall supply all my needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. (Phil 4:19)
Children Acting Out	For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. (Eph. 2:10)
	Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. (Prov. 22:6)
People working your nerves	Do not be anxious about anything….And the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.              (Phil. 4:4-7)
Stressed Out	For anyone who enters God's rest also rests from his own work , just as God did from his. Let us, therefore, make every effort to enter that rest, so that no one will fall…(Heb 4:10-11)
Feeling Unloved	We love because he first loved us. (1 John 4:19)
Feeling Unappreciated	Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her(Prov. 31: 28)
	And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. (Matt 10: 30-31)
	God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them. (Heb 6:10)
Dealing with an Illness	'But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,' declares the Lord. (Jer. 30:17)
	Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits- who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases. (Ps. 103:2-3)
Feeling Hopeless	Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits - …who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's. (Ps. 103: 2-5)
Just Trying to Make It	But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship…I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day. (2 Tim 4: 5-7)
	No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. (Rom 8:37)

And the winner is.............

Earlier this evening, my precious baby boy and I were doing some stretching exercises. I decided to comit to stretching with him in order to motivate him to stretch. Jalen is very athletic and the Lord has blessed him tremendously, but if you tell him to touch his toes, he will complain and say that it hurts. So in an effort to lessen his risk of tearing something, we have taken to strecthing most nights together. So last night, as I am stretching and he is watching me, he burst out in song. It made my heart smile.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens meeeeeeee, For I know the plans I have for you, what is it mom? oh yeah plans to give you a hope and a future, I can do all things!!!" He sang these words with conviction.

Now I don't recall what beat or tempo, but that was a beautiful sound to my ear. Here is my baby boy singing out scripture. That's what I am talking about! Strengthening your self with the Word. But as I strecthing, he was laying out chilling, singing, watching me....

"Jalen, come on, let's do this hamstring stretch. Let me show you how to do it. Sit on your feet...."

"I can't do that..." Jalen quickly interrupted me.

Whoooa!!! Pump the brakes. Did I not just hear you singing Phil. 4:13, did you not just declare that you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you?

"What do you mean you can't do this stretch, you just said that you could do ALL things through Christ who strengthens you."

If you know Jalen, you know his smile and as I was asking him what did he mean, the biggest smile came across his face.

"Well, I can't do that stretch Mom, it's too hard."

Oh, boy........I thought to myself.

Many of us know the Word, but how many of us really believe God's word? I mean really believe God's word.

John 11:40
Then Jesus said, "Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?"

If we know the word and believe contrary to it or if we live like it doesn't apply in all situations, what does that say about our God? His word is who He is...Is he unbelievable?

God is the TRUTH. His word is the TRUTH. We can live by it, believe it and see the glory of God. Or we can know it, use it sometimes, and walk in defeat. It's really up to us. We change, but God doesn't.

I have a foster son named Joseph. He is two years old. He is loud. He repeats himself over and over and over and over, did I say over, again. He likes to pick up slugs. He is often described (to put it nicely) as strong willed. He is so unlike Jalen.  He is so unlike the other children I spent time around. He's been through a lot more and that may be part of the reason why.

I chose to foster. I thought it was something God wanted me to do. You know, the whole help the orphans campaign...My husband was on board, so it must have been ordained by God. I envisioned a sweet, cute, little, cuddly baby who slept through the night, who was just so lovable....a bundle of joy. I envisioned that we would have this child for a few months and then they would be reunited with their parents, and the next cute, little, cuddly, sweet baby would arrive and we would love on this child and pray for them and care for them until their parents got it together and the cycle would start again. What a hoot! My experience has been nothing like that, at all. Joseph arrived all dishelved, he was a cute, freckle faced little boy, but he was not what I envisioned at all. When he first came, we all were in survival mode, but he quickly settled in. He and D (my husband) are like Frick and Frack, but I struggled with bonding with this little boy. I "loved" from a distance, I did the basic tasks like feeding, clothing and providing really well. I was just trying to get through the days until reunification. I would call the case manager and ask, did you call ALL of his relatives. It was tough for me to like him on a whole lot of days. When I tell you it was a struggle, please believe I was in the struggle of my life. I questioned whether I heard God correctly in regards to the decision to foster. I was mad at myself for making this horrible decision when I had a choice. I was mad at myself because I didn't like him. I was mad that he didn't act like I wanted him to act and I was mad that he could make me so angry. I was mad that my soul was putting up a fight against my spirit and my soul was friggin' winning. I was not happy and at many moments in time, I thought the problem could be solved if we could just give him to another family. My soul thought that, but my spirit told me otherwise.

My soul said, "You are not cut out for this", my spirit said "You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you."
My soul said "But I don't like him", my spirit said "Love as Christ loves."
My soul said "He is bad and he doesn't listen", my spirit said "He is a child of God."
My soul said "Arrrrgh, he is such a mess and he is so greedy", my spirit said "Man judges by outward appearance, but God looks at a man's heart."

When I tell you it was a struggle, it was a struggle....Soul versus Spirit!

I was feeling so defeated. And it sucked. I didn't want to feel that way. Life was good before fostering, I was doing things I loved, I rarely ever snapped at my husband and now here I am seething inside at him because of a kid that is not even mine. ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!! Lord, help me!  I tried to change my feelings, it didn't work. I would go through the motions of trying to make myself act different than I how I was feeling. I was trying to make my soul submit to my spirit and I was losing. But wait, I know the Word. I know that I am a conqueror and that with God nothing is impossible. I KNOW that God, but why are you making me go through this? I didn't sign up for all of this. I signed up for the cute, good part.....God said, "Whatever. You are mine, I will get the glory out of this."

So, he sent me on a mission. A love mission. I didn't even have to travel outside the four walls of my home. I cried, I prayed, heck I lamented. I was a hot mess. I complained.  I wished. I vented. I prayed. I went in survival mode. My words, thoughts, and actions didn't line up with God's word. I felt condemned. I even verbally declared that "My love sucked!" I thought I was in a bad place. I did not understand why God would punish me like this. I even went as far to pull out this scripture and carry it around with me. Don't laugh, don't judge....

Romans 5:35 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame....[emphasis, mine]

I was really focusing on my suffering. And I was hoping that God would hurry up and let Joseph go back home. When I tell you it was a struggle, it was a struggle. Soul versus Spirit!

And the winner is.....................................SPIRIT!

Yaaay, go God! He always wins. :-)

I love Joseph, he is sweet. He is loud. He picks up slugs. He says the same things over and over and over, did I say over, again. He hasn't really changed, but my heart has. He still doesn't listen all the time, but neither do I right away. I am no longer a victim of my feelings or my soul. I focus on the Spirit and God handles the rest. There are moments when I still get frustrated, but I quickly remind myself that I can do all things through Christ; the enemy will not win. I no longer lament. I still pray for Joseph to be reunited but it comes from a heart that has been purified and no longer is it just out of selfishness and my comfort. Joseph still embarasses me sometimes, he doesn't act like I want him to act, but it's okay because my heart has changed. I walk in victory now instead of defeat. When I tell you it was a struggle, it was a struggle.

I could continue from so many angles.

Just like Jalen, I sing the praises of God; I declare His goodness. I declare that I can do all things through Christ, but when the going gets tough, what do I choose?  There is a fight going on. Day and night, night and day. God never slumbers, neither does the enemy. Sometimes the fight stirs you, sometimes you ignore it. Sometimes the fight torments your soul. But, do you let your soul, (mind, will, and emotions) direct you or do you allow the Spirit to strengthen you and purify you. Purification is not a pretty process. It is not fun and it hurts, it hurts like hell, but your soul must die daily. It is a struggle, because the enemy wants you bad and we live in a sinful world and he will use even a sweet, little, precious child that God created to get at you. But what the enemy meant for harm God meant for good. Glory to God!

So do you really believe God's word?

Can you really do all things through Christ who strengthens you? (Phil. 4:13)
Are you really more than a conqueror? (Rom 8:37)
Does the Holy Spirit really live in you? (1 Cor. 6:19)
Are you really free? (John 8:31-32)
Are you really forgiven of all your sins? (1 John 2:12)
Are you really blessed? (Gal. 3:9)
Do you really not have to worry anymore? (Phil. 4:6-7)
Can you really change the way you think? (Phil 4:8)
Can you really be dead to sin? (Rom. 11-14)
Does God really love you? (John 3:16)

Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?
~ Jesus  (aka da' truth)

Broken Pieces

We all know the popular school nursery rhyme....poor Humpty Dumpty. What a pity. He fell off the wall and all the king's horses and all the king's men, could not put Humpty together again. I am sure the reference to the king's horses and his men means more than what meets the eye. The king's horses and men had to be the finest and smartest in the kingdom and to say that they could not put him together again is very significant.

Broken pieces.

A few months ago, I was just about to do my most favorite chore around the house, and I am certain that my attitude and thoughts were stellar and pleasing unto my Lord ;-) .... After a long day at work, I came home, got out of my car, and headed straight into the kitchen to cook. I didn't pass go, I didn't sit down and rest for a moment, I was just trying to get a meal on the table for my family. After I finished cooking, I ate, and then proceeded to wash the dishes....by this time I am sure my attitude was even better than it was when I first got home. Well, in my rush and my huff and puff,  as I was putting one of the drinking glasses away, I dropped it. I tried to catch it, but it was too late. It hit the counter top and then it hit the tile floor. Glass was everywhere....It shattered and pieces went everywhere....All of a sudden my husband came running in the kitchen, "Are you okay?" he asked. By this time, I am a little embarrassed, I hate making mistakes, especially really noticeable ones. "Be careful, don't come in here, glass is everywhere, I am fine. Can you please just get me some shoes?" I started cleaning up the mess; I picked up the big pieces first because they were so easy to identify. Then I got the broom and started sweeping. I moved all the chairs, I swept the whole kitchen more thoroughly than I ever had before. I wanted to make sure to get all the glass up so that no one would cut their foot or get hurt on the glass I had shattered. After I was satisfied that I had cleaned up the mess, I made sure to tell all my family members to keep their shoes on because there might be glass shards on the floor. I then proceeded to finish where I left off, I put away the dishes and went to bed. The next day I woke up and went in the kitchen with no shoes on. Just in case you are wondering, no, I did not step in any glass....My family and I, went on with our lives and lived happily ever after.  :-)

We are living happily ever after, praise God. BUT, just the other day, we had to move the refrigerator and low and behold, what did I find?!? No it wasn't a dead creature, but there was glass under there! Wait a minute, I diligently swept up the kitchen after I broke the glass. I was so sure that I got just about every piece up....I spent a lot of time sweeping all of that tile, going over the baseboards, under the table, even under the fridge, but how did I miss those broken pieces....

Now of course the glass isn't the topic at hand, nor is the extra work I put in after a long day to clean up the mess I made, the issue is the broken pieces. So many times in life we get hurt by people, they offend us, they mistreat us, they may use and abuse us, sometimes its knowingly and many times the offender never even realizes that they have hurt us. We find ways to cope, we may shrug it off and pretend to not care, we gossip, we slander, we stuff it down and pretend it never happened, or maybe those of us who are saved and sanctified may pray and ask God to help us forgive fully. But what if the pain or dissatisfaction is something we caused? We may blame God, we often blame others, we blame our parents, our spouses, we even blame ourselves...Finally at some point in time, many of us get sick and tired of being sick and tired and we try to do a few things to change our situation, we do a few things to clean up our messes....we vent about it to our friends as a form of therapy, we may pray in desperate situations, we enroll in Bible Studies, read self help books, get counseling.... sometimes we find it easier to pretend like it never happened, we brush the offender off and keep it moving, we isolate ourselves from certain people or situations, we put our heads in the sand if it's a situation we can't escape,  we turn into workaholics, some of us turn into alcoholics. BUT the broken pieces remain. We hide them under the fridge, we put on shoes to avoid the pain, but the fact remains, the broken pieces don't just disappear.

Broken Pieces...

Like myself, I am sure there has been at least one time in your life when you thought you did all the work to clean up the broken pieces; only to find weeks later, months later, years later that you missed a piece.  You thought you dealt with the situation, you thought you had forgiven the offender, you moved on, I mean, for crying out loud that was so last season. Unfortunately, it's not that simple, but actually it is.

See our Savior came to clean up our messes. He came to pick up all the broken pieces and because He is all seeing and all knowing he doesn't miss anything! That piece under the fridge, yeah he sees it; the piece that got stuck in your foot, yeah, he felt that pain, too. There is not one piece of you that he is not aware of. And when the pieces are shattered his greatest desire is to bind them up and make you whole.

Back to Humpty Dumpty, the smartest people in the kingdom could not make him whole. And in regards to my glass, there was no way I could ever make it whole and functional again, shoot I couldn't even find all the pieces. And plus it was too messy for me to attempt to put it back together; that would have been an overwhelming and pointless undertaking. But all too often, as we journey through our lives, situations, circumstances, and opportunities come up we try to fix them or work them out by ourselves. We put tape on our hurts, glue on our disappointments, shades on our shattered dreams. We do all that we can, we exhaust ourselves trying to fix things we don't even have the ability to fix. But just because we can't fix it that doesn't mean we have to walk around our whole life with broken pieces. 

Our savior came on a mission.

Isaiah 61:1-9
The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion - to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be call oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor. They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated for generations. Strangers will shepherd your flocks; foreigners will work your fields and vineyards. And you will be called priest of the Lord, you will be named ministers of our God. You will feed on the wealth of nations, and in their riches you will boast. Instead of your shame you will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace you will rejoice in your inheritance. And so you will inherit a double portion in your land, and everlasting joy will be yours. "For I, the Lord, love justice; I hate robbery and wrongdoing. In my faithfulness I will reward my people and make an everlasting covenant with them. Their descendants will be known among the nations and their offspring among the peoples. All who see them will acknowledge that they are a people the Lord has blessed."

What great news! He is waiting to bind up the broken pieces....He wants people to see you and recognize that you are a people the He has blessed! We don't have to pretend like everything is okay and we don't have to spend so much time trying to fix things ourselves. All we have to do is trust God and take him for his word. He came to bind up the brokenhearted, he came to heal the broken pieces. The smartest people in Humpty Dumpty's kingdom could not repair him, and I could not even restore a cheap drinking glass, so what makes us think that we can repair our own delicate hearts that we did not create? Our King, the King of kings, who comes from God's kingdom can put us back together again; that was His purpose that was His mission and His mission is completed!

So, when are you going to allow God full access to come clean under your fridge? When will you give him full access to your life, your dreams, your hopes, your family, your relationships, your health, your heart?  I'm not saying it will be easy and I am not saying it won't be painful at times, but I am saying it will be worth it. Allow God in, submit your whole self to him, take him for His word.

Psalm 147:3
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

I will never look at a piece of broken glass the same. I will never again trivialize the task of cleaning up the broken pieces.

Search me, O Lord. Look under my fridge, get in the cracks of my baseboards, search me O Lord, find the broken pieces and bind them up in the name of Jesus!

Shine Bright Like a Diamond

Well of course Rhianna has made this phrase popular...."Shine Bright Like a Diamond"  What does that truly mean? Honestly, I don't know what it means in the pop culture world, but I know what it means to me personally....

Those of you who know me, know I really don't listen to the radio, I don't really know the Top 40, but that's okay, because like my God says, there is nothing under the sun that is new.

I am up uncharacteristically early; normally when I can't sleep, I toss and turn until it's time for me to get up, and I wake up exhausted, not much fun. Well this morning, tossing and turning didn't even do it for me, I had to get up. The Lord wanted to speak with me, his timing is definitely not my timing, but his timing is best. Of course there are absolutely no distractions and no interruptions at this hour, every one else is sound asleep.  Before I got out of bed (trust me getting up was the last thing I wanted to do) I read the verse of the day (like I always do, shout out to YouVersion) and it read:

Psalm 51:12
Restore to me the joy of Your salvation,
And uphold me by Your generous Spirit.

And like always, I opened up the whole chapter to read the entire context of this Psalm....well, as soon as I got finished, I hopped up out of bed and turned my SWAG on, just kidding, but the Lord did fully awake me. This Psalm is deep....

I have been through a lot lately, and I have been dealing with recovering from an automobile accident and all that follows your car being totaled, raising Jalen, trying to be a 'good' wife, coping with being a Foster parent of a two year old, work, basically I have been coping with life....there have been some hard days in these last few months, there have been days when my faith has been tested to the limit, there have been more days than not that I have cried out to God, "Lord, why is it that things never seem to work out for me?" Praise God , those were fleeting thoughts, that I took captive as soon as I shifted my focus, but nonetheless, it has been a struggle. I have struggled with bonding with our foster child, I have questioned my ability to love like Jesus loves. I have struggled with my thoughts, at times I have felt I had the 'right' to be in a down mood. I have struggled, but through it all God was right there for me. He sustains me, he refreshes me, he gives me hope.  In my struggle, I have sinned. And I realize that when I sin, though I could try to justify it (the old me), I realize that I sin only against God.....

I had a really difficult conversation this weekend with Jalen's biological father. Lord knows I have tried to forgive him, but it's not an overnight process. What do you do when the transgressions continue? I will tell you what I did and still do. I forgive as much as I know how, but it is not enough. (See, honestly, though I am smart by the world's standards, I acknowledge that by God's standards my thoughts and knowledge level are supremely sub par. I NEED God so desperately. ) The relationship I had with Jalen's father was not a good one. For one we were really young and definitely not ready to deal with 'grown up' responsibilities, secondly the relationship was not built on truth, trust, or any statutes of God, that relationship was full of sin: fornication, disrespect, immaturity, emotional and verbal abuse, manipulation, dishonor to parents...oh the list could go on, but it all sums up to sinning against God. I truly believed that once I moved on, that whole relationship, all the hurts and pain that were associated would go away, but here it is 10 years later, and I still have to deal with it...that and of course I do have a son (whom I am so grateful to God for) with said individual. Not sure how I really thought I could just sweep it under the rug, like he didn't exist, but we all find our ways to cope with our past and our sins.
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Psalm 51:1 - 6
Have mercy on me, O God,
  according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
  blot out my transgressions.

Wash away all my iniquity
   and cleanse me from my sin.

For I know my transgressions
  and my sin is always before me.
Against you, you only, have I sinned
  and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you are proved right when you speak
  and justified when you judge.

Surely I was sinful at birth,
  sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
Surely you desire truth in the inner parts;
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God speaks. He is the truth and he desires the truth, before him there is no hiding, there is no mask one can put on to cover up from Him. God speaks, but He speaks in love.  Earlier, I talked about how my knowledge is sub par. I don't know everything.  And I certainly don't know how to fix everything that goes on now, rather less things that happened years ago, long before I was even trying to walk with God. I don't know how to make things right...seems like a depressing place to be. Realizing all the sins you have committed against God, recognizing that you were born in sin, BUT GOD was not done speaking.....
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Psalm 51:6 - 13
You teach me wisdom in the inmost place.

Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
  wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness;
  let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins
  and blot out all my iniquity.

Create in me a pure hear, O God,
  and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me from your presence
  or take your Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of your salvation
  and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will turn back to you.
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God speaks. See as I was going through this text, I saw clearly many of the sins that have led me to where I am in life now.  "For I know my transgressions and my sin is always before me." At first I struggled with that text. Did this mean my sin was always going to be right in front of my face, especially the "BIG" sins, would I always have to face them? Did this mean I could never put those things behind me? Well, there are natural consequences that I will always deal with and I must be truthful, I am a sinner. BUT GOD teaches me wisdom in my inmost place. What a relief, I don't have to have all the answers, I don't have to know everything, God teaches me. Thank you Lord.

Then I moved to verse 7: "Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow."

I thought about this....the Lord says I will be clean, He says I will be whiter than snow. Even in the midst of my struggle, if I am repentant, if I am truthful, if I realize that when I sin, it is against God and I ask God to cleanse me, He will do it. He cleanses me, He covers me with the blood of Jesus and I am whiter than snow. HALLELUJAH, my soul cries out!  I AM WHITER THAN SNOW !!! But wait a minute, have you ever seen snow? I am from the south, some call it the Dirty South. When it snows there, the snow is dirty and then it turns into this nasty black slush, ewww, gross.  Lord that is not the kind of snow I want to look like...but God in all His graciousness, has allowed me the opportunity to go skiing in North Carolina and in Denver, CO.  When I read this text, it took me back to Denver, CO. It took me back the slopes at Breckenridge Resort. There, the mountain is high, and snow is fine like powder, and it is beautiful. It is so white, it is so pure in its untouched state.  The snow there is so white, when the sun shines on it, it glistens. I said, when the SON shines on it, it glistens. It sparkles. It shines bright like a diamond....My God is so good. I am in tears right now. I am whiter than snow. I shine bright like a diamond (think, Bling, bling). I am the twinkle in His eye.

He has restored to me the joy of His salvation. I hear joy and gladness.

You too, shine bright like a diamond, you are the twinkle in His eye. He rejoices over you with singing.

I pray that you will rest in Jesus' finished work. He died so we can be free, so we could have the abundant life. All God wants from us is a broken spirit, a broken and contrite heart (Psalm 51:17) There is nothing too hard for God, there is nothing that he will not forgive. He loves us, he wants us as we are and it's so beautiful to know that when we submit unto Him, He restores us, He gives us joy. He gives us hope and a future. What a gracious and Mighty God we serve.

Blessings and Favor Abound.....

Shine Bright Like a Diamond!

In His Love.....Until Next Time.

Forgiven....

I am sure we all know someone who is bitter and if we are discerning, we can see the nasty side effects of unforgiveness...it is ugly, it is nasty, it is complicated.

As I was reading this evening,  I was tremendously blessed and felt the strong desire to share...

Luke 17:4
If he sins against you seven times a day, and comes back to you seven times saying, "I repent," you must forgive him.

Say what, Jesus? Really?!?  Doesn't that mean I am getting 'walked over', 'taken advantage of', doesn't that make me 'Stupid?' I mean how times am I really supposed to keep forgiving somebody for doing the same stuff everyday?

That was my rationale, and I am certain that I don't stand alone on this one.  However, the word of God is VERY clear; as many times as your brother, sister, husband, wife, friend comes back and repents, you must forgive him. It is what we are commanded to do......So when I look at this from the viewpoint of someone continually offending me, I am not really 'feeling' this verse. It is so contrary to how I was raised, so contrary to how I perceive myself, because you know I am not letting anybody walk all over me and mistreat me....My, my, my how God grows us.  Today, I looked at this verse with a renewed mind, I stopped making it about myself and made it about others. Case in point....The Lord has truly blessed me with an amazing, wonderful, kind, and loving husband. He is all those things, but he is not perfect, and neither am I. Some days I wonder how he even deals with me, but he is always so patient, always so gentle, and he always forgives me.  Our relationship is not perfect, but I will say God has blessed us to know how to communicate effectively and the most vital part to our effective communication is forgiveness. My husband forgives me for something almost everyday it seems like... sometimes, I get upset with myself because I keep doing things that I have to apologize for, like being snappy, being impatient, being judgmental, the list could go on....(Disclaimer: God is still working on me, I am a Masterpiece in Progress) I never intentionally mean to snap at him or be critical, seriously, I am trying to win "Wife of the Year"...apparently I have a long way to go. But every single time I have asked for forgiveness, he just forgives me, and it happens immediately... not with a lecture, not with contingencies, he just forgives me. I am so thankful and so grateful.  God has used Derrick to show me firsthand how he wants us to forgive. He wants us to forgive with love, without restrictions, without harboring a grudge. I have seen firsthand what unforgiveness looks like... it looks like married people not talking to each other, walking on eggshells, shouting and screaming, unhappiness, lack of joy.....it looks totally unlike what God designed.

So how many times do I have to forgive someone, as many times as they come back and repent. I can't dispute the word. I know some who may read this may be in difficult relationships and I am not saying that people who mistreat you should get away with anything, but it is not our job to make them pay, the Lord is our vindicator. Our job is to forgive and leave the rest up to God. He will act on our behalf and in our best interests.

So now, when I am at a bridal shower and someone asks me, what is the key to a happy marriage? I will boldly say to them with 100% confidence, "Keeping God first and always being willing to forgive."