It's been a while; I have been busy. But for Christ's Sake, I thank the Lord that He has sustained me through this time of great demands and responsibilities. It is all for His glory! It is so easy to say that when you are experiencing times of great joy, but how often do you say it when you are dealing with unpleasant circumstances, when you are tired to your bones, when you are just trying to get through the day?
Our circumstances are not always good, we may not always feel good, but the truth of the matter is that Our Heavenly Father is always good. Even as we suffer, we must be mindful that through our sufferings God is glorified. But He can only be glorified through us if the way we respond to our sufferings brings glory to Him. Let me see if I can break this down....I have been through many trials and tribulations, but I will focus on a couple that are near and dear to my heart. I will focus on the trials that humble me and make me trust in God, the trials that make me stand on His word, because there is nothing else for me to do.....
1. Ulcerative Colitis (UC).
I was diagnosed with UC when I was 17 years old. For those of you who don't know about UC, it is a nasty disease...one that many people silently suffer from. For 8 years I battled with this disease, which I truly believe is the result of stress. I battled this disease while being a single parent, I battled this disease while pressing on to finish college, I battled this disease while trying to find out who I was....I battled this disease while trying to prove to everyone that I was not failure; though I had a child out of wedlock, I would not be a statistic, I would take care of my child, I would graduate with honors, I would get a great job, I would buy a home, I would be self sufficient. Through the grace of God, he sustained me through it all, and I was able to accomplish my goals. But the problem was not my goals, the problem was me trying to prove I was self-sufficient. All of this proving, all of this painting the "everything in my life is perfect picture" and making sure that in spite of my single parent status, I could prove that I was not a failure, caused me to take on this independent spirit. Pride and self-sufficiency. In the mean time, I was still dealing with Ulcerative Colitis. Flare-ups would come and go....but right when I really thought life was great, BOOM! The thorn in my side really made itself known. I was taking 20+ pills a day, seeing my doctor 2-3 times a week, getting blood drawn till my arms were black and blue....all the while still telling everyone "Everything is okay", "No, I don't need any help." See, I knew God was taking care of me, but I did not give Him the credit He deserved. I did not humble myself, nor did I share with those around me His glory. I ended up in the hospital for over 3 weeks, I almost died. I could not comb my hair or take care of my child, but God sent my angels to watch over me and my home. It was while I was in the hospital that I realized that it was okay for me not to be able to do everything, it was okay for me to need help, I could depend on others to be there in my time of need. It was during this time of illness and hospitalization that God brought my Father and I together to begin healing our severely broken relationship. It was during this time of sickness that God showed me that He was my provider, my healer, and deliverer. Now as I read,
Romans 8:28-29 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
AND
2 Cor 12:7-10 To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weaknesses." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
While I was dealing with UC, I knew God, I went to church, I prayed, but I was not giving everything to Him. I was not standing on His word, I wasn't walking daily with God. I wasn't living to please Him; I was living to please others. I am thankful for what God brought me through because now I know for sure that in ALL things God works for my good. Without that nasty disease, would I have come to the point I am at now, glorifying God in all things? I don't know, but I do know that for Christ's sake I suffered, but God's grace was and always is sufficient!
(For info on Ulcerative Colitis visit www.ccfa.org )
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Just flow with it.....
When I was a young girl, I dreamed of being a lawyer. And in 3rd grade, I dressed up as Barbara Walters because I admired her so much. So I always wanted, deep down in my core, to be a powerful woman who could be heard by many....BUT, somewhere along the line, I changed my mind. And somewhere along the path of life, I decided that I would be better off if I just kept to myself and kept quiet. Somewhere along the line, my dreams diminished, and I decided to just go with the flow. You have heard the saying "Go with the flow" ....don't raise any concerns, don't question what we are doing, don't rock the boat, or challenge what you hear or see, "Just go with the flow".... I did that. I went with the flow. I came from a house where almost daily we heard, "Just keep the peace." How do you keep peace that was never present? I am just saying....but from that 'go with the flow' mentality, I lost my voice, I lost my fight, I lost my deepest dreams, I lost my hope.
That 'flow' left me confused, hurt, angry, and often depressed. That flow allowed me to give my best to people who would use, abuse, and manipulate me...That flow included doing what I saw other people doing, trying to please everybody, attempting to prove I was smart and successful in *every* area of my life, and that flow completely robbed me of many years of happiness and joy.
At the time I didn't know that the flow was one of the devil's most appealing delusions. I let the flow define me, I let my past define, I let the culture, my upbringing, my relationships, and my achievements define me....I was going with the flow. Notice that flow did not include listening for God's voice often, nor did that flow include giving my all to God, and that is where that flow is completely useless. The flow is LIE! Yes, I said it.. I will NOT just 'Go with the flow' because I now know better. And when you know better, you do better.
The only flow I am going with is the flow of the Holy Spirit. I know who I am and whose I am, I know my purpose, and who I am defined by. I am no longer defined by my past, my relationships, my career, my achievements. I am defined by my future, I am defined by my destiny, and the only way I will fulfill that is by listening for My Creator to continually lead me and being obedient to his perfect plan. And now I won't have to "just go with the flow" beacuse out of my own heart will flow rivers of living water!
John 7:38 He who believes in Me, as the Scripture has said, out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.
That 'flow' left me confused, hurt, angry, and often depressed. That flow allowed me to give my best to people who would use, abuse, and manipulate me...That flow included doing what I saw other people doing, trying to please everybody, attempting to prove I was smart and successful in *every* area of my life, and that flow completely robbed me of many years of happiness and joy.
At the time I didn't know that the flow was one of the devil's most appealing delusions. I let the flow define me, I let my past define, I let the culture, my upbringing, my relationships, and my achievements define me....I was going with the flow. Notice that flow did not include listening for God's voice often, nor did that flow include giving my all to God, and that is where that flow is completely useless. The flow is LIE! Yes, I said it.. I will NOT just 'Go with the flow' because I now know better. And when you know better, you do better.
The only flow I am going with is the flow of the Holy Spirit. I know who I am and whose I am, I know my purpose, and who I am defined by. I am no longer defined by my past, my relationships, my career, my achievements. I am defined by my future, I am defined by my destiny, and the only way I will fulfill that is by listening for My Creator to continually lead me and being obedient to his perfect plan. And now I won't have to "just go with the flow" beacuse out of my own heart will flow rivers of living water!
John 7:38 He who believes in Me, as the Scripture has said, out of his heart will flow rivers of living water.
Monday, October 22, 2012
How many times did I pass by, blinded....
On my ride to work this morning, I noticed something beautiful and precious to God in a run down trailer park.....
Each and everyday workday that I leave the comforts of my nice, beautifully maintained neighborhood, I pass through an area that seems to be a very low income area. Very different from where I grew up and very different from where I now live, very different from the places I would even set foot in. There are a lot of dilapidated houses, trailers with lots of stuff in front of them, it's just a really poor area. We have been challenged by our Pastor to identify things that break our hearts and once those are identified, the challenge follows, what are you going to do about it? So many things break my heart.... I feel like I am doing all I can, but maybe there is more...maybe God is bigger and maybe I have been relying on my limited knowledge instead of trusting God's infinite wisdom...
So with that said, as I drive past this area, I look up and there is a woman stepping out of her trailer, and how I wish I could have left it at just that....A glance...not a tug, not a prompting from the Holy Spirit. The scales fell from my eyes and in that instant and I saw a beautiful woman, a woman God created and loves, a woman that God told me to go to her house and talk with her, invite her to your church, pray with her if she needs it....Once again, God are you serious? I don't know this woman, she doesn't know me, I don't belong in her neighborhood, she might think I am strange, what if someone attacks me, really God.... I want to ignore the prompting, pretend I never saw the lady, take a different route to work............. I want to be obedient. So instead of going a different route I will plan to stop by her house, but what if she doesn't answer, what if she has a dog, what if she won't talk to me, where will I find the time, I mean I am busy, I have to go to work, I have tutoring, I have class to prepare for, and on top of it I have an unexpected dentist visit......I also have a divine appointment, I will be obedient.
I ask God daily to open my eyes, to soften my heart, to speak to me and through me....He gives me what I ask for, and then I want it in a different way....When I got to work this morning, I received the following 'Pecking Orders' from TD Jakes....
WTAL - 52 Days of Pecking Orders - Day 15
In this new season, God will EXPOSE you to brand new things and people. However, do not get caught up in looking at the outside of a person, relationship or situation! These things do not always reflect what is on the inside. Jesus said about the Pharisees that “outside” they were clean, but “inside” they were full of dead men’s bones (Matthew 23:27). Ask God for His wisdom and KNOWLEDGE as you navigate new territory and people!
Confirmation.
Thank you Lord for your word and your patience and infinite wisdom. In all things it is my desire to glorify your name!
Each and everyday workday that I leave the comforts of my nice, beautifully maintained neighborhood, I pass through an area that seems to be a very low income area. Very different from where I grew up and very different from where I now live, very different from the places I would even set foot in. There are a lot of dilapidated houses, trailers with lots of stuff in front of them, it's just a really poor area. We have been challenged by our Pastor to identify things that break our hearts and once those are identified, the challenge follows, what are you going to do about it? So many things break my heart.... I feel like I am doing all I can, but maybe there is more...maybe God is bigger and maybe I have been relying on my limited knowledge instead of trusting God's infinite wisdom...
So with that said, as I drive past this area, I look up and there is a woman stepping out of her trailer, and how I wish I could have left it at just that....A glance...not a tug, not a prompting from the Holy Spirit. The scales fell from my eyes and in that instant and I saw a beautiful woman, a woman God created and loves, a woman that God told me to go to her house and talk with her, invite her to your church, pray with her if she needs it....Once again, God are you serious? I don't know this woman, she doesn't know me, I don't belong in her neighborhood, she might think I am strange, what if someone attacks me, really God.... I want to ignore the prompting, pretend I never saw the lady, take a different route to work............. I want to be obedient. So instead of going a different route I will plan to stop by her house, but what if she doesn't answer, what if she has a dog, what if she won't talk to me, where will I find the time, I mean I am busy, I have to go to work, I have tutoring, I have class to prepare for, and on top of it I have an unexpected dentist visit......I also have a divine appointment, I will be obedient.
I ask God daily to open my eyes, to soften my heart, to speak to me and through me....He gives me what I ask for, and then I want it in a different way....When I got to work this morning, I received the following 'Pecking Orders' from TD Jakes....
WTAL - 52 Days of Pecking Orders - Day 15
In this new season, God will EXPOSE you to brand new things and people. However, do not get caught up in looking at the outside of a person, relationship or situation! These things do not always reflect what is on the inside. Jesus said about the Pharisees that “outside” they were clean, but “inside” they were full of dead men’s bones (Matthew 23:27). Ask God for His wisdom and KNOWLEDGE as you navigate new territory and people!
Confirmation.
Thank you Lord for your word and your patience and infinite wisdom. In all things it is my desire to glorify your name!
Saturday, October 20, 2012
God, are you serious?
Have you ever found yourself wondering "What the heck am I doing?" That is my question right now. "What the heck am I doing?" and, "God are you really serious?"
I am a busy person. By day I am an engineer, by evening I am a tutor, student, instructor, wife, mother, daughter, peacemaker, leader, volunteer, and cheerleader. I am focused; I am determined to make a difference; I refuse to let the potential that God has placed in me go to waste. I have a lot on my plate, as most of us do, but I am certain that all the things that are on my plate are God ordained and God appointed. So therefore, I don't worry about getting burned out. I am restored daily, because God always fills my cup to overflow.
But....Foster parenting, God are you serious? How does that fit into my schedule? I am not sure if we are the right people for this job. How is this going to work? Aren't people going to think we are crazy?
Then God speaks to me:
James 1:27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.
'Nuff said. What is my purpose in life? To glorify God in all things. How do I fulfill that purpose? By doing and loving as God tells me in His word. SO....with that said, Derrick and I went to the foster parent orientation, and now we are all in.
Pray for us. Pray for strength, courage, and wisdom, that we might honor God.
God was (and always is) serious. :-)
I am a busy person. By day I am an engineer, by evening I am a tutor, student, instructor, wife, mother, daughter, peacemaker, leader, volunteer, and cheerleader. I am focused; I am determined to make a difference; I refuse to let the potential that God has placed in me go to waste. I have a lot on my plate, as most of us do, but I am certain that all the things that are on my plate are God ordained and God appointed. So therefore, I don't worry about getting burned out. I am restored daily, because God always fills my cup to overflow.
But....Foster parenting, God are you serious? How does that fit into my schedule? I am not sure if we are the right people for this job. How is this going to work? Aren't people going to think we are crazy?
Then God speaks to me:
James 1:27 Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.
'Nuff said. What is my purpose in life? To glorify God in all things. How do I fulfill that purpose? By doing and loving as God tells me in His word. SO....with that said, Derrick and I went to the foster parent orientation, and now we are all in.
Pray for us. Pray for strength, courage, and wisdom, that we might honor God.
God was (and always is) serious. :-)
Thursday, October 18, 2012
It's About Time!!
So, I will admit, I was prompted to start this blog several months ago.....but you know, LIFE, has a way of getting in the way, all too often.
Welcome to my world. I invite you to cry, rejoice, celebrate, stand in amazement, and pray with me and for me, as I share MY WALK. My walk, however, is not at all about ME, I am doing this for HIM. For those of you who may wonder, "Who is HIM?", I am referring to my healer, my deliverer, my redeemer, my savior, my EVERYTHING.....My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
It is my hope and my prayer that when you read the posts in this blog, that you will get a glimpse of the glory of God! My WALK is for HIM. Enjoy!!
Welcome to my world. I invite you to cry, rejoice, celebrate, stand in amazement, and pray with me and for me, as I share MY WALK. My walk, however, is not at all about ME, I am doing this for HIM. For those of you who may wonder, "Who is HIM?", I am referring to my healer, my deliverer, my redeemer, my savior, my EVERYTHING.....My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
It is my hope and my prayer that when you read the posts in this blog, that you will get a glimpse of the glory of God! My WALK is for HIM. Enjoy!!
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